Whew!  Always good to turn the page!  That was some intense stuff on my last post.  But, I just buried it and kept on going.  It is not like I knew that I had issues.  All I knew is that I was 27 years old and free for the first time – on my own as a single parent – and liking it!

I will steer this next season of my life to introduce my second husband.  We were married almost 15 years. We met at a Parent’s Without Partner’s event. I had been “single again” about two years and was working and still going to college. He was almost 12 years older than I was and came from a totally different lifestyle in New Orleans.  He was a tough guy, used to bars and partying, camping and being aggressive if protection was needed.  Since I had no goals of my own, jumping into his life seemed easy enough.  We dated about a year, had a fight, made up and took off to Las Vegas to get married.

Yes, can you believe it?  For real we took a limo ride from the courthouse to the Little White Chapel and got married with music playing out of a boom box.  We were in love but I knew that we had some serious major differences and I stuffed my concerns down deep…that was easy for me.  But, all in all, I was happy, eager to settle down and be a wife again.  You know, being a wife gave me an identity role that I knew how to manage – and his toughness made me feel safe – like he could protect me from anything.  I grew stronger and more assertive in that environment.  We were doing pretty good.

We moved a few months after we got married to Denham Springs with his job transfer and stayed there a couple of years. I partied more in the next 5 years than I ever had in my whole life.  I never had been much of a drinker.  I thought it tasted bad – I just wanted a drink that had fruit in it, lol.  We danced a lot – you have to remember I graduated from high school and then disco rolled in.  My husband drank a lot. And at 30 years old I smoked pot for the first time.  Looking back, I can’t believe that I did.  My nature was to be scared of everything.  But I just slid on in to the new me.  See how easy that happens?

As for being away from home, I really enjoyed being away from Lake Charles and was eager to move again.  After a couple of years we moved to Dodge City, KS and there we stayed for three years.  We were a pretty strong family unit by then.  My son was growing up and doing well. I was working and advancing at the regional hospital there. We were enjoying exploring a new environment.  Oh my gosh!  Tumbleweeds are real!  You really have to sleep in the basement because of tornadoes!  There are coyotes and canyons! There are hail storms, blizzards, wind all the time, and dry river beds. I studied and knew more about Kansas than those that lived there!!!  It was great. Remember, I love to explore.

But other than that, I just shake my head thinking about the rest of it – so much happened in those three years. The first year in Kansas we lost Julie’s youngest son, 2 ½ year old Gavin from a burn accident and our family was wounded beyond anything that we could ever have imagined.  It will be 20 years next week and in any given second those memories can replay.  This, my friends, is where I saw Jesus for the first time.

My sister, Julie, had long been a Christian – having given her life to the Lord in middle school during some traumatic times.  She learned early how to depend on God.  But, I really wasn’t concerned a whole lot about God.  I didn’t think He really wanted much to do with me anyway.  I just didn’t know the journey that we were all about to take.  I got the call about Gavin’s injury just hours after they delivered our new sofa in Dodge City.  Isn’t it amazing that you remember the oddest things?  So odd.  I don’t think anything in our lives was ever the same after that.  My son and I flew out to meet them all in Galveston at the burn hospital the next day.  Thinking everything was going to be fine we were just looking at doing what we needed to.  But it wasn’t that simple.  The injury went bad in surgery and we lost him.  I won’t say all the things I remember in my heart.  But I will say that my sister is an amazing woman with more God in her than you can ever imagine.

I have to say this because experiencing this with her was a life changing experience.  I watched my sister wrap that little white casket with a huge bow for the funeral…as her gift to God.  I saw her love her God so much that my heart (the hidden one) began to crack open.  My life changed forever.  All of our lives changed.  And perhaps many of you know this journey too.  I know your life changed.  God bless you…

After the funeral we all had to go back to our homes and try to live again.  And you do, because living is what we do. But my son and I began to go to church.  It began to be important to me to know where Gavin was…and know that all our family would be together again one day.  I began to learn.  And life went on, differently, but life went on.

But my heart had been cracked open and God had plans for me. Within six months I ended up bringing my son to a counseling agency for some school related problems.  During the intake interview the counselor kept quizzing me about my life.  I kept telling him that everything was wonderful – nothing was wrong in the family besides the loss of my nephew.  He persisted and like a little light going off, I suddenly remembered the secret I buried long ago, and said, “Oh, well there is this one little thing”.  Needless to say, he was totally upset and shocked, I almost laughed.  I became his new project.

There is no need to say that my life changed totally again.  Under the care of outpatient counselors they taught me how to open up and deal with the pain of the past.  I won’t tell you that it wasn’t bad.  It was a total nightmare.  I had so much anger that rose up it scared me…and my family.  I began to take karate lessons, and self defense classes. My husband and son would try to be in bed before I got home because I wanted to practice with them. I became focused on protecting myself – determined to never be a victim again.  I lost tons of weight because my stomach always burned.  I walked so much up and down the hills that several of my toe nails turned black and fell off.  I couldn’t sleep.  I couldn’t eat.  I broke a baseball bat in half over a picture of “him”.  I didn’t speak his name for two years. I became very aggressive. And I roamed the countryside and thought about running into a telephone pole to end it all.

Whoa now….I know that is a lot of trauma in a short span of time.  But I want you to know (unbeknownst to me) that I know now that God kept his eye on me and I began to heal.  I was still going to church.  I didn’t know Him yet, but I was beginning to seek Him. I stopped watching horror movies.  When I found out that I watched them because I identified with the fear, it grossed me out.

By this time in my life, I was the last person in my immediate family that was unsaved.  But God doesn’t waste anything my friends, even heartbreak.  And that goes for all of us.

Tomorrow I will turn the story to moving home where I would meet for the first time my new one year old niece, Jade.  God’s gift back to us and we learned to laugh again.

Lots had truly happened in my life so far, but finally…there were no more secrets.

My God is faithful.

End of Page 4

Patti Corbello Archer

Future 101

Wow, when you are 52, going back decades to childhood is quite a trip!  Too funny! But then again, for real, don’t we all sometimes see something that triggers a playful childhood memory?  Do you remember playing king of the mountain, or hide and go seek, or playing in the rain, or riding a bike, or trying to dig up a rabbit hole in the woods?  I can’t help but laugh.  Oh wait; have you ever had a tarantula jump on your bike tire?  I have!  Have you ever jumped off a cliff?  I have!  Have you every “rode” down a Christmas tree?  I have!  Have you ever been attacked by bats?  I have!  Eeek! I can tell you that this is where my spirit of exploring comes from.

There are so many wonderful memories, experiences and powerful things taught by my parents and family. Things that have seeded into my victories as an adult – lessons learned – wisdom passed down.  May I give my son, Zebulon and his children…or anyone I meet a transfer of the blessings from the precious gifts I have retained from my childhood.  I love and respect them all. To this day, I have learned to produce by being constructive because my dad would ask me and my brothers and sister, “What have you accomplished today?”  What honor I give to my parents as teachers.  What encouragement they gave because they always believed I could do anything.

Yes, all that is in my heart!  Praise God!  But “other” life stuff still happens. The enemy always looks for ways to get people to listen to his whispering lies.  Children don’t know that.  They just know who is the boss of them and that they have to trust the people around them to keep them safe.

For those of you who do not know my testimony, understand that this sharing is to show the glory that will come later in my blog story.  This is necessary now for the later revelation to have the true impact that I experienced when God began to restore me in this area.  If you do know of my testimony, I ask your patience as I repeat it.  If you are sensitive to childhood issues, I want you to know that I will only reveal my heart’s thoughts, nothing else.

To begin, I will start my childhood story with the story of another child.  I was in my mid 30’s and had just completed a year of intense outpatient post traumatic stress therapy in Dodge City, KS where I lived.  I was in a setting structured to expose issues buried long ago so that I could learn how to address those experiences.  I got off work one afternoon from the hospital where I worked and dropped by the local grocery store.  I was tired, wired and just ready to get home.  I just had a few items in my hand and walked up to the checkout line.  There was a mother checking out in front of me but as she talked to the checkout clerk she left her little boy in a buggy behind her.  Then I entered the picture. I walked up and stood behind the buggy where he was.  I wasn’t paying him any notice until he began to fuss and complain.  I was surprised and didn’t know what he was fussing about to me.  I glanced at his mom and she wasn’t concerned at all.  He was staring angrily at me and I am sure I just look surprised.  All of a sudden I realized what was wrong with him.  I was too close to him.  I was in his space.  I took two steps back and waited for his response.  He gave me the biggest smile ever. I have never forgotten him.  That is one of those epiphany moments in my life.  That little two year old boy knew his boundaries and was healthily claming them.  I was so proud of him.

I wished I would have had that option.

As a young girl, I learned that there really were monsters in the dark.  I learned that men know how to keep secrets.  I learned about living a lie.  I learned a false definition of love. I learned how to be a sacrifice.  The rapes seemed to happen far away as if I was someone else.  I would dissociate. I hid all the reality deep within me.  I learned to hate myself and never say a word.  Authority figures were the boss and I did what I was told.  I begged God to help me but when He didn’t I thought He thought I was disgusting and didn’t love me anyway.  I didn’t blame Him.  I hated me too.  I learned to live life anyway…very angry deep inside.

When the victim season ended I just grew up and lived like everyone else.  However, there were some problem indicators. I wet the bed till I was 18 years old.  18 years old.  Wow.  I struggled with my weight from emotional eating.  I didn’t share much personally about myself.  Other than that, I was involved in school, ran for elections, bloomed into a young woman, cheered, made good grades, had a boy friend, and worked at a pharmacy.  By the time I graduated, we were engaged.  No one noticed any issues at all.  But I rarely spent the night away from home.  No way.  What teenager brings a plastic sheet with them?  It was always amazing that people looked up to me and wanted their children to have my influence.  I was always surprised.  No wonder, the secret down inside me was always waiting.  As a woman, I just felt numb.

I married my childhood sweetheart at 18.  He was the football player and me the cheerleader.  We were picture perfect and had fun.  I didn’t tell him till many years later about the secret that I hid for so long.  At 21 our son was born – life was wonderful – he was precious!  Then the enemy began to come between my husband and I with betrayal and secrets.  I tried but could never trust again. My heart shut down and we divorced after 9 years.  It was so sad that I never learned how to work things out – that things are worth fighting for.  I just endured till some unknown time frame ran out and then I walked away. I wasn’t afraid to start over.  I just kept going.  As a woman, I still just felt numb.  I had never really let him in my heart.  Truth be told, I don’t even think I had been in my heart.

For the next season in my life, my son and I were together as a single parent family.  We eventually moved into the McNeese family apartments and I went to school during the day and worked as a traveling inventory auditor at night and on the weekends.  I LOVED life.  It was the first time that I had been on my own as an adult.  Bless my son for putting up with me!  I was part child and he was an explorer!  We were both exploring! It was great really. I know that I didn’t have sufficient emotional tools in many ways but we loved each other, we were each safe, we had great times, and we kept growing.  God wasn’t a part of our life yet – but my family kept reminding me that God was there.  I would just think…maybe one day.

It is time to pause…wow, what a journey I have been on in sharing.  Like all of you, we live life as we know it – until we know differently.  I never really had personal goals or dreams.  I didn’t know a whole lot about myself inside.  It had been locked up so long.  I loved being a mother, daughter, sister, friend and student – was loyal, honest, smart – all that.  But personally, me as a woman…there didn’t seem to be an identity.  I had walls up in my life.  I wasn’t open or especially friendly with men I didn’t know.  Rarely did I flirt.  I didn’t know how to assert myself to explore that.  In many ways I was still a child.  I just wanted to be safe.  I just wondered if anyone would ever choose to love me.

To close out tonight, I can so see the video in my mind of the words that I have written.  I pray that you are beginning to see some of it too.  I still have more sharing before God steps into my picture. That is after all, the purpose for this.

I hope that you are connecting with the idea of “roots and reasons” for why you do what you do.  Notice your patterns.  My testimony is more than a story.  I pray that you receive that hidden pain or destructive secrets are alive and fester – working to destroy life.  We need a doctor that will clean out the wound so that it can heal.  Jehovah Rapha is our healer and He does all things in His time.

So be blessed this night and forgive me for this heavy sharing.  Know that the dawn is coming. In therapy I was taught that the only healthy reason we look back is so that we can glean what we need to go forward.  I promise you, you will know the power of God when He gets His hands on all this in the days ahead.

Victory did come for me.

End of page 3

Patti Corbello Archer

Future 101

Last night I ended Page 1 with an analogy when the Harley screeched to a halt at a cross roads. An ended journey that clearly revealed that life as I normally defined it would be forever changed.  That happened a couple of months ago.  Today, I assure you that the release of pressure and breath of freedom was truly immediate.  My relationship with Christ had prepared me.  You might say, He had already packed me for my new journey.  That in itself, once you learn my testimony, is truly a miracle.

Leaving the job and the church in January…my season to end that cross road had been a long time coming. The beauty is that I left with all the treasures from those many years there as a member and a leader in the flock with the Baptism of the Holy Ghost, spiritual growth and strategy, altar prayer counselor experience, teacher in ladies bible study, leader in the singles, and sincere love to those I ministered and served for so many years.  You see, the true value of that season comes with me – the things of the heart from me and from you.  Always know that YOU matter to me.  But the pressure, the infinite details, and all the waste of a spirit, well it truly will become beauty for ashes because my God is faithful.

This journey was prophesied back on November 1, 2009.  Even then God was preparing me.  Some of you may remember the guest Evangelist, Prophet and Singer that came to Christian World, John Ragsdale.  The following prophecy was spoken to me from the platform during service.  It was a particularly painful time for me and God read my spiritual mail for all the world to hear.  My spirit received it all.  I share…

Patti, the Lord says to tell you that your past has prepared you for now.  Not just your training but your tribulation – the good, the bad and the ugly.  Every bit of that has gotten you where you are and is going to help take you where you are going.  And the Lord said to tell you specifically, because they have walked away from you and because there’ve been things that you have walked away from, that this is releasing you into this next time of destiny…this is destiny for you….destiny for you…..

So, God has a plan!  Do you realize that He has one for you?  You see, I believe that we are all born purposely unique to God.  That we are born to do something individually for HIM that ONLY we will do.  It is personal.  Don’t ever doubt that He desires to be up close to you …most definitely in your breathing space…or breathing for you!

I tell you this because I didn’t know it could even be personal between Jesus and I until a little over 9 years ago.  Oh, I had been a Christian for 9 years already.  I had volunteered in ministry. I had studied and memorized the Word of God.  I was a wife, mother, mother in law, daughter, sister, friend, co worker, etc.  But until I walked away from my second husband – I didn’t see that I needed God to transform me to be what He created me to be – that things in me were broken…like stained glass strewn all over the floor. It is amazing that many times we don’t even see that we have emotional or addictive issues or behaviors until we do something more than once.  I never could believe that either of my two husbands loved me.  They tried to tell me but I never believed them.  I didn’t see myself as lovable, worthy or valuable.  I hated my self-definition or should I say, my experience-definition, and forever locked away my heart in a personal prison…missing out on the freedom and beauty of true intimate heart relationships.

I will share many private encounters between He and I in this testimony blog.  I have to share it with you.  I need you to know that He fixes what is broken and if He doesn’t fix it He can replace or recreate it.  He can give you a new mind, new beliefs, a clean heart, purity in the place of perversion, and testimonies for your scars.  You don’t have to be who you think you are.  He doesn’t want you to be.  He wants you to be who He says you are.

We are to be scripturally created.  How cool is that!!!!

Tomorrow I will “begin” the reflection journey of this blog all the way back to the lies spoken as fear when I was a little girl…to the lies believed when I was a teenager…to the false beliefs I acted upon as a young woman…till the day Jesus showed me what He does to lies.  I don’t know how long this journey will take…but each moment will matter.

Bless all of you, have a peaceful night…for God always “gives His Beloved sweet sleep”.

End of Page 2

Patti Corbello Archer

Future 101

It’s midnight …and I am just now sitting down to write.  I am so excited…for real.  I get to finally tell it like it is…or, should I say, reveal who I am.  Generally, people only see what stands before them.  But they can’t help it; after all, life is just too busy for us to see past the moment we are in.

But not me, right now, I seriously contemplate and focus on myself as I look in the mirror.  Oh my, I am truly grateful for hair dye, red lipstick and flashy bling!  God, thank you for the beauty supply industry!  My future would certainly be less…uh…vibrant…without such additions…giggle.  Oh, sorry, I got sidetracked!

Okay, let me get back to my story.  It is time to open up my memories and heart to the places I have been and to the things that have left their mark in my life.  NOT for the purpose of sharing alone, but purposely to reflect on the things hidden in my past that Jesus had to touch and remodel years later. So here we go…

Oh wait, first let me go ahead and surprise many of you right up front.  One of my heart’s desires for most of the last 10 years has been to get on a Harley and drive cross country by myself.  I am thinking I would have on black knee boots, jeans, big loops and hair (freshly dyed) blowing in the breeze.  The thought of this trip makes my heart twirl…to be free to sight see, explore, and ride the wind.  Wow.

Now this may seem gypsy or hippy-ish to you, and it probably is!  But the truth of the matter is, my body, soul and spirit were “damage” restricted through much of my life – so that when Jesus set me free – I hungered to embrace freedom any way I could!  My mind was set free, my destiny, my purpose, my identity!  (Oh, did you catch it?  I am driving.  I haven’t yet met the man that I trust to drive me.  But that is another story…)  So, on we go.  For the sake of the story line, come cruise with me.

The trip I dream about is all about the wind, hills, open fields, and authority to drive. I have a place to go and a destiny to meet. I feel 16 (going on 53) with the world in front of me!  Time has no meaning, for in the waiting God works His special power.  You know…when He prepares you for the days and years ahead and the choices that must be made. I so understand when His Word says, “…you have been put in this position for such a time as this”.

Back to the trip…  If you would, please focus and get a mental picture of me cruising down a long hilly highway at about 80 m.p.h., simply intent on living life as I know it.  Only thing is, I am going too fast, my Harley is loaded with responsibilities and pressure, I can barely see the open fields anymore and exploring has no available time on my agenda.  Tired of this journey and nearing the end of my map of directions, I come atop the final hill and have to hit the brakes hard.  Rocks flying, I slide to a stop.  There before me is a T in the road, a cross road, or possibly from some perceptions, a dead end – because life as I know it just changed.

Been there?  Can you imagine my tires squealing, heart pounding, and pure adrenaline at the challenge I am suddenly faced with?

For real…I stood up, put the kickstand down, and took off my helmet and glasses.  I shook out my hair…and smiled.  Freedom!!!

End of Page 1

Patti Corbello Archer

Future 101

I am a storyteller!  I love to share experiences, testimonies and my relationship with Jesus.  My first blog is entitled Future 101.  If you have ever reached a cross roads or seemingly dead end in your life and had to start over, come journey with me and let me share with you my life and how Jesus has made me who I am today.

In the days and years of yesterday, I may have known the oppression of fear, shame, betrayal, loss, divorces, mockery, tears, isolation and intense pressure…but let me assure you that God has indeed used these tough experiences along with my “destiny” to catapult me through the door to my future.  I stand here today with extremely powerful treasures.  I now release them to you!

So many times we sit in a church pew and never truly “know” the story of the precious person sitting next to us, so today, I welcome you to come with me…read my story as I share more of it each day.

I pray that you will be touched, inspired and encouraged to then go share yours!!!